Above all I need to re-align my perspective of human beings. We are more than flesh animals who bear our children in wombs, have hot blood and feed offspring from nipples. We are psychological beings (I forget, I forget) and we have behavioral responses to our current stimuli based on past instances of behavioral shaping.
So, while it doesn’t allow me to take full responsibility for things that may be wrong (my brain is filled with so much noise and my greatest fear is that any of you would look upon what’s there and scrunch your faces in un-delight), it does allow me to give up some amount of control and reconnect with my innerself when I realize that perhaps every fuck up is not entirely my fault, not solely a glitch in an elaborate chemical system, but a series of moments and repeated consequences that have shaped me into somebody who, while despite openly touting the beauty of the world, has found desire for self-validation through a savior-complex and working too hard (while never quite finishing anything for fear of it being imperfect- like this sentence, for example).
There has never been a burden so heavy as conscious awareness combined with subconscious response. I can get better only once I recognize that I am one cog out of billions that run in the elaborate system of psychological behavioralism in addition to chemical movement and the firing of synapses.
